Graeme

I emailed Graeme today. It's something I love to hate doing. I love being able to share my thoughts, but to be honest, I usually dread the responses. They're usually simple, but hard to hear. They are words of encouragement, stories from those he's met. Maybe it's hard because he sees so much in me that I don't understand. He wants me to be overseas, and according to his experiences with others there, I have almost all of what it takes. Reading his reply was a huge relief. I told him straight up in about December that things weren't going the way that they were supposed to and I didn't really feel like changing them. That was the last time I wrote to him before today, but he never stopped writing to me.

I don't know what makes it so hard for me to tell him what I'm thinking. I feel like I'm letting him down, God too....but somehow, God is more ok with it; He's more forgiving of my weaknesses in my mind and He almost expects them from me. Graeme almost seemed to look at me the way my dad does when he's proud. I can't bear the idea of letting that feeling about me dissolve in anyone. He was one of the most important people that I met on my DTS. He was/is more or less a spiritual pillar for me. He managed to point out all the oddities in me, and make them seem like spectacular gifts. It was more than that though. There was something in his eyes that made it the truth. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be on the other side of the world, to learn from him again....