Conceiding to the Ordinary

So here's my problem. I want God to help me do something extraordinary. I'd like it to be huge, but really, for the most part, I just want it to be something that's different than what most people do with their lives. Unfortunately, lately it has seemed to me that this may not exactly be God's plan. Over the last 2 days, it seems to me that He is implying that maybe I should stop thinking so highly of myself (smacked down!). I have to say that I agree, and while I am extremely grateful for the dose of humility and aware of its necessity, I am also frustrated.

Since my DTS, I've been walking a fine line between believing that God is going to take me to the otherside of the world and use me as part of Team Change The World.....and feeling completely and utterly useless to Him. *sigh*

So anyways, this more or less started to hit me after reading part of the "Ragamuffin Gospel". I can't remember what it said, but basically, it read to me as...

"Andrea, you are a Schmoe. Now don't get me wrong, Schmoes are important to God, but you are no more important to Him than all the other Schmoes. Why should you be entitled to a purpose that is more special than the other Schmoes?"


This interpretation made me start thinking about something Mother Theresa said once: "There are no great acts, only small acts with great love". This is a great quote for when you're in one of those "road to somewhere else" stages in your life, but when thinking about life as a whole, it's not so much fun. Everyone wants to accomplish something, to know that they've made a difference or left their mark. I'm struggling with the fact that my existence is meaningless, but in a good way.

Part of the problem is that I discovered the concept of purpose while looking for more than the ordinary, and found it in a way that was not your average north american's first choice in lifestyle, and it more or less meant not even living on the continent.

Part 2 of the problem came about when I was helping a friend. He pointed out that I seemed to be quite good at what I was doing, and maybe I should consider doing it as a career. I think he was half joking, however, the strange part about it was that I had considered it as a career choice. Then I realized that this particular career lines with with all of my passions. Woot!....THEN I realized that this career would probably be a bad thing to be doing in asia. Thus, keeping me here. This is frustrating because I really enjoyed the people there and I kind of wanted to live there, even if it was jsut for a little while. To be honest, I"m not really sure what it was about this realization that bothered me, it just did.