Do you ever feel like you're just not good enough? I do. All the time. And it haunts me; it really truely eats away at my core sometimes. I feel like no matter what I do, someone points out what is wrong with it, or what I could have done better or something. Sometimes it's not even something I can fix. Or sometimes people will take the things that I liked about myself and turn them around to make them look awful. I think this really is the core of all my anxiety: I just never feel good enough. If someone else doesn't find what could be better, I will. And then I'll stress about it. I stress about not helping people that I'm not able to help, or about making a mistake, being late, or just about being me. I don't wanna head back to where I was in grade 12. I know I'm not useless. I know God has a purpose for me, but all of this leads me to feel like I'm going completely screw everything up, in all of my humanness. I don't want to do that. I want to know that I'm ok.

There's got to be a reason why I am the way I am. I KNOW there is....I just don't know what it is. Really, I don't think I need to find it. I just need Him to tell me that it's there, to reassure me. I want Him to hold onto me. I want to know Him more, and I want to know my family. I want to learn to feel attached to people because I want to be, not because I feel like I have an obligation to them that I have to fulfill.